My Life With Cancer (Part 12)

I found out in all the years anyone can remember, nobody had ever pranked the radiation techs, not a single prank, that's sad.  So I made it my mission to come up with an epic prank, not just a prank, but one that would change things.

So here's the setup.  Each day the last thing I got radiated was the back of my neck.  I would be face down on a table, with the table about 4 and a half feet off the ground. The radiation machine would be just inches above my neck, leaving me very little room to maneuver, but it was possible.  All I had to do was wait until the techs were out of their room waiting for the door to open.

I only received radiation on weekdays, so I waited until Friday to pull off my feat.  I let everyone in the waiting room know what I was going to try and pull off in advance, so there was an audience.  There must have been at least 20 people there when I arrived and still the techs didn't have a clue.  I got into my gown, and waited my turn.  I had also brought in some Krispy Kreme donuts so the room was more like a party.  So much for a bunch of cancer patients being gloomy.

When I got called for my turn, the room suddenly went dead silent.  I looked at everyone and said, "Don't give it away, keep the party going."  I followed the techs into the room, past the huge door and onto the table.  Sure enough, the last thing to get radiated was the back of my neck.  The room is kept dark for some reason when they zap you, don't know why but it is.

I laid there waiting for the zapping sound to end, gave it about 10 seconds and slipped off the table.  The door was just starting to open so I quickly slipped behind the very end of it. Wasn't my best move.  The door kept coming closer to the wall and I was between the two of them.  I held my breath hoping I wouldn't be the first patient smashed to death behind it when it stopped.  I had less than an inch between me and it.

The two techs went walking by without any notion something was about to shake up their world.  As they went into the room, I slipped out back into the waiting room.  It took them about 5 minutes to find me.  I was even in the same chair as I was before.  I looked at them and said, "It's about time, I've been waiting since you called me about 15 minutes ago."  The look on their faces was priceless.  The crowd in the room waited for me to stand up, which was my signal they could let loose.  Oh did they let loose, there was hootin', hollerin' and more laughter than that place had ever heard.

Yes it was epic.  Not only was it the first prank ever, but it was also the first time they had ever lost a patient.  Now these were just two of the half dozen techs and there were visiting techs and interns training for a week here and there, so there were many more pranks to come.

It got to the point where one of them would stay in the control room watching me while the other walked in, just in case. On the other hand, they would also set up new and visiting techs and watch the monitors for the fun. You have no idea how high someone can jump when they come around the corner, you're sitting in the chair and not on the table, yes some of them screamed like a little girl.

I did manage to get one tech twice.  I did the usual spook her by sitting in the chair, but then I waited a couple weeks.  I was getting a tumor on my right hand radiated, so as she came in I slipped around to the other side and put my left hand in the solution.  She just about had a heart attack thinking she radiated the wrong hand.

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