If you're married, you know how to apologize. It's a skill you learn in the third year of marriage. In the first year, there is no need to apologize. Everything is perfect. By the end of the second year, reality sets in. You finally act like yourself in front of each other. There's no more pretending. This necessitates the need to develop your apology. At the beginning of the third year, this isn't a fully developed skill. It typically takes a couple of massive arguments in which you think that your significant other could potentially be gone by the time you get home from work.

This is a guide for what to purchase for an apology, depending on the level of infraction.

Level 1 Apology

This is for small mess-ups. Things like being late for a special dinner, forgetting to pay the phone bill, taking all the hot water, etc. These types of issues come up the most often, so there are three different options:

Level 2 Apology

If you're together with anyone for longer than five years, these things will eventually happen. Even though these are common mistakes, it will take a special night to get back to even. Examples of this are when you forget an anniversary or birthday, accidentally give away the cat, or back into their parent's car.

Level 3 Apology

Level 3 mistakes happen to everyone eventually. These mistakes happen once per marriage, maybe twice. This is the apology gift for mess-ups like knocking over and breaking a grandparent's urn and vacuuming them up. It's for not locking your phone while you're hanging out with your friends, and you're overheard saying not-so-favorable things because you butt-dialed them. This is also for being caught liking your ex's Facebook post announcing their divorce.

Level 4 Apology

This is for anything that wasn't covered in the first three levels of mess-ups. These types of mistakes require an apology gift big enough to save the marriage.

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