Senior Citizens Riding Roller Coasters
I told you about the worlds tallest roller coaster being built in Orlando and then I called my cousins, who reminded me that in 2017 they will all be senior citizens. It struck me, they weren't teenagers anymore, where did the time go. More important, when did they stop being young.
So I got to thinking about seniors riding roller coasters. Picture this, a sea of white perms and hunched over old men with khaki pants pulled up almost to their armpits. A stampede of Blue Plate Special lovers shuffling up with their walkers leading the way. Of course even though it's 90 degrees, each and every one of them would be complaining about the cold.
Then they would have to park their walkers in the special "senior walker parking section," where they would have to return to retrieve it and head to the restrooms (repeat at least three times depending on how long the line is.
After repeated trips to not only the restroom but to get another snack out of grandma's purse, it would be time to board. This would require a special senior ramp with handrails. The seat belt would be fastened tight and high, much like the dockers Grandpa is wearing. After everyone is loaded, you would hear grandma saying something like "sure hope this doesn't mess up my hair, I just got it done last week."
Now even though the whole ride only lasts about 90 seconds to two minutes, Grandma would bring out a snack she managed to sneak on as the click, click, click of the chain taking the cars to the top to be released. Just as the cars are let free, you would hear grandpa's Jitter Bug go off. That's why there would be a Jitter Bug grave yard at the base of the climb.
Now for the rest 90 seconds, you would hear screaming, crying, praying and the sound of hips popping and false teeth flying. Then the ride would finally come to a merciful end, but not quite fast enough....It's moments like these that Depends are made for.
About an hour later after the trip to the restroom cleaning up and changing what ever needed to be changed. Then going through the pile of teeth to find the ones that came flying off and beaned a toddler in the noggin leaving a mark that on the outside would heal but on the inside would require years of therapy, grandma and grandpa will sit back and reminisce of how they, even at such an advanced age, lived like teenagers again, even if it was for only a few, glorious, eventful, minutes.
Remember, grandma and grandpa were teenagers once too.
The worlds tallest roller coaster opens in Orlando in 2017.
Kevin Mee
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