Out Bachelor Parties, In Bachelor Funerals
There are two things I hate getting invites to...weddings and funerals (OK, baby showers, kids' birthday parties, any party involving home/cleaning/tupperware and women's items parties). My reasoning is that usually there's a good man going down.
With that in mind, I may have come up with a great business for someone. Rather than having bachelor parties, have bachelor funerals. Basically it would be the same thing except the theme and what the bachelor gets to do.
The bachelor or victim, would be required to be in a coffin, this would really represent his life as a bachelor ending. During the whole party, no matter where it goes, the bachelor has to stay in the coffin (except when nature calls). Anything that can happen in the coffin is allowed, but the poor schlep has to stay in his future domicile.
The party would have to visit at least three different places. That way the bachelor and his new digs would have to be carried by his buddies. This would not only represent the bachelor being confined to his coffin, but would also represent how his buddies would have to carry the extra burden of him no longer being "One of the Guys." (Sorry, but once you're married, you are no longer "one of the guys")
Now no matter where you go, when you get there the bachelor and his box would have to be propped up somewhere for the world to see and for the soon to be ex-bachelor to watch on the sideline. Drinks would be poured, poker games played, clubs visited and the groom to be would have to watch, unless the party happens to venture his way. Oh, I'm sure something would venture his way, but it wouldn't be for long.
Think about it, the brides to be would love it since the chances of their future husbands would have very little chance to get into trouble. The husband to be would get a good dose of what isn't going to happen anymore and with her future man-slave being paraded around town, his ex's would know for sure he is off the market.
All speeches would have to use the term "former" as in "former buddy, former pal, former whatever."
From the bachelor's standpoint, there would be the possibility of anything happening and it being brought to him. Sure there's the possibility of a bevy of beauties and others stopping by the coffin to say goodbye, food and drink being brought and a night of saying "so long" to his former self. One thing for sure is everyone would know what is going on.
On top of that if poor guy is getting married to a Kardashian, it would be very fitting.