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My Life With Cancer, OK I’ll Do It (Part 8)

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The tumor that went into my spine was the one Doctors where the most worried about. They were sure they would find Cancer cells in my bones and blood.  So I made a deal, if they found it in those areas I would consider Chemo, (I did keep my fingers crossed when I made that deal though, no really I crossed them behind my back.)

When Doctors want to be right they don’t leave anything undone. I had Cat scans, PT scans, Dog scans, Hamster scans, Ex-wife scans, if it could be scanned it was scanned and my insurance charged.

Then I had the dreaded “Bone Marrow Draw”.  Let me explain this one.  You get your upper hip area numbed up real well, then you lie down on a table where you get the pleasure of putting your face in one of those “face hickey” things.  Then when you entertain thoughts of a relaxing back massage…nope here comes the doctor with this great big needle/scraper thing that they shove deep into your hipbone and scrape out “marrow.’

For some reason I have hard/strong bones, maybe it’s the milk and cheese, maybe it’s the calcium chews I do daily, either way it made it harder to get the dang stuff.  This procedure, the Medical Oncologist does and mine was Dr. Forsythe, female, maybe 5’4′ 120 lbs soaking wet.  I swear at one point she was standing on me using a pick, shovel and cordless drill. But she eventually got what she needed and a workout too.

Now remember I said they numb you up…well later when it wears off, it feels like you got your butt kicked by an angry mob of MOT’s (you know Mothers of Terrorists, face it the difference between a toddler and a terrorists is you can negotiate with a terrorists} that are waiting in line to see the mall Santa and you let it slip that Santa may not be real. OMG, “might be a little discomfort my “arsk”,  I’m sure she used a cordless Craftsman drill with a two inch bit and went through two fully charged batteries. Note to self, some discomfort really means “gonna hurt like hell.”

After all the scans, draws and just about everything else they could figure out, everything came out clean.  Now this threw them for a loop, because that’s just doesn’t happen, you don’t have tumors and have a clean bill of health everywhere else.

Up Next  ”Houston We Have A Problem”

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